Oh good otters! Not the junkyard dogs! You see security at Chilly Charlie Express Lines is our company's top priority. "Don't question ya wee little gobshite! I oughta feed ya to the Junkyard Dogs ya know?" Upon being given the news I asked, "what me but why?" Mr Big grabbed me by my suit collar, and lifted me high up into the early morning sky. Mr Big was the one who informed me that I would be working the late shift on Christmas Eve. In fact, our company only uses steam trains, and we don't have any of that modern new fangle shite. Yes, for some reason even though we are knee deep into the new century, Mr Big prefers using steam trains. Mr Big if he felt that the trains weren't running smoothly enough he have you thrown into the train's fire. No one dared to call him by his first name, because if you did oh man if you did! He'd throw you underneath the moving train. Hard and as sharp as a razor blade, his name was Winston Big, but everyone on the trainline referred to him as Mr Big. My boss was a horrid pot belly red faced bastard who has a temper like you've never seen. Sadly, our yearly tradition was cancelled for this year after my boss informed me that I would have to work on the trains on Christmas Eve. I mean seriously the meals are so big that the plates go from London all the way to Vice City. My wife and I have a yearly tradition of watching Polar Express every Christmas Eve, and she always cooks us enormous meals for the occasion.
Now that we've discussed the plot of the movie let me tell you something. Upon finally reaching North Pole, the hero boy is given the first gift of Christmas by Santa Clause himself, and the rest is history. The wellies are so fricking big that it causes Billy to trip onto the snow in one scene. The boy comes across several colourful characters including a girl and a boy named Billy who wears massive wellies. duh! The young lad does not believe in Santa Clause, and now on a train headed for the North Pole he finally begins to learn Polar Express is a classic Christmas film about a boy who goes on a magical train named the Polar Express. So put your seatbelts on ladies and gentlemen, and if you don't then I will know about it!
This story is all about a cursed version of a delightful Christmas classic known as Polar Express, and the viewing of this film is what resulted in me getting fired from Chilly Charlie Express. An incident so shocking so Christmassy that the mere mention of it sends shivers right down my spine to my ass. Well at least I used to work for them until an incident happened. My name is Dennis Kim, and I work as a conductor for my local train company: Chilly Charlie Express Lines.
Now, my friend allow me to introduce myself if you'll let me that is. Ooh choo choo ch'boogie take me right down to the track Jack! Oh, sorry didn't ya see standing next to me on the courtyards. Written by Oliver Charles/Bruno Tattagllia